Mind
by SanGate
Summary: Darken Rahl overthinks recent events. Short drabble that is set between 'Fever' and 'Reckoning'.


**Title**: Mind  
**Words**: 897  
**Rating**: all  
**Spoilers**: Between Fever and Reckoning  
**Summary**: Rahl overthinks recent events  
**Characters**: Darken Rahl

**Mind**

He turned around to face the grey walls while he brought his the fingers of his right hand to his lips. He was staring at the yellow knitting on his sleeve.

"So, what you're saying is that you failed me again." It wasn't a question.

He looked at the soldier next to him, who clearly wasn't sure whether he should admit to it or apologise. He chose the latter.

"I'm sorry, my lord. We will look for him tomorrow again in the area. We will apprehend the Seeker then." The D'Haran quad leader bowed towards his master.

"Yes," the Dark Lord slowly replied. "You will."

Darken Rahl laid his arm down and looked the man directly into his eyes. "Listen very carefully." He paused so shortly that the D'Haran wasn't sure if it was an emphasis on the next utterance or just something in his own mind. "It will be your last chance." The deadly stare accompanying the words left no question whether he meant it or not.

"Yes, my lord. We will get him." The soldier waited for another reply or task, but when Rahl looked to the wall again, he knew it was his cue to leave. He bowed again quickly and made his way to the door.

When the D'Haran had gone, Rahl walked to the other side of the room. For a moment he stood still in the middle of the room. He sighed while General Egremont waited for his master to say something.

He always had to do it on his own. They weren't good enough for him. Everyone always let him down. A shimmer of hope had rested in his soul when Jennsen had been with him. When he took care of her and she took care of him.

Leaving his thoughts, he paced through the room. "Leave me Egremont." A bit louder he said the same to his guards. They did not hesitate. They knew what would happen if... He closed his eyes. He had felt differently. He remembered the soft fur of the cat he gave his sister. Then a snapping sound came into his mind.

He pressed his eyelids tight before opening them. Slowly he walked to the windows with the fingers of his hands touching in front of his belly button. Outside of the window he could see the valley with its green and yellow grass and further ahead the forest. Somewhere in the distance was Jennsen. With the Seeker and she had betrayed him.

He wanted to stop himself, punish himself for what had happened. He couldn't believe he had trusted her. He couldn't believe he actually grew fond of her, like a true brother would.

He rubbed his left knuckles so hard that the skin turned bright red. He looked down and observed his hands without really looking at them. It had felt good. Having someone close to him. He could hardly think about it without wanting to stop his own brain, but it taken him until then to understand the full meaning of 'family'. He had never taken a liking to his own father. He had never felt compassion for the man who wanted him dead.

Then it hit him: he had killed him, his own father.

He had wanted to kill Jennsen too, after her betrayal. She had broken his heart. At least the feeling he had seemed to be what others called a broken heart. He had never felt it before. He didn't have friends and he had never truly loved a woman. His most loyal companions were only afraid of him. He didn't know any friends. He only knew enemies. They didn't hurt you. You hurt them. They could make you happy over a victory or furious after a loss. Those feelings he knew, he had felt them often. But this had been a new feeling he had never had before. He had wanted to cry over her. Over her betrayal. That word kept coming back to him. He felt hurt. She wasn't there to harm, so instead he took it out on the cat.

Now she was with _him_; their brother. The Seeker. His enemy, his nemesis, his killer. If the prophecy would become truth.

She had believed him, without much hesitation. The lie had been easy to uphold. He knew the risk of letting her go, but he didn't want to believe she would turn her back on him. Of course Richard would try to persuade her and convince her about his truth. But he thought he had gotten through to her. That she truly saw him as her loving brother. That she loved him and he loved her. He knew she would eventually trust Richard too. But maybe her love for her carer would have grown to be so strong, that even with the truth she'd still come back to him.

There was a knock on the door. He left his thoughts and became conscious of the room again, noticing he was still staring into the distance, with his hands on the windowpane. "Come in."

A few footsteps behind him. "We found them," a voice said from behind. "And the boxes. There are in west Granthia"

Darken Rahl turned around to face the soldier he had dismissed not long ago.

"Excellent," he said, as a grin spread over his face. This feeling was still the best of all.


End file.
